We ate a great many eggs those two years.
Nate sold his bass boat.
He didn’t ask me first. He didn’t make a big speech about it.
One Saturday the boat was sitting in our yard on its trailer. The next Saturday, there was a rectangle of dead grass where the trailer used to sit. And thirty-six hundred dollars more in our savings account.
He loved that boat.
And we went to every single Sunday dinner at Ron and Judy’s that my shift schedule allowed. And we didn’t tell anybody what we were doing.
That was Nate’s rule. I came to agree with it.
If we told them we were saving for a house, it would sound like a hint. It would sound like a bill sent two years late.
And neither one of us wanted one single dollar that had to be asked for.
Kim bought a little ranch house on Maple Street with a fenced backyard. Jeff and his wife put their money down on a place in the new subdivision. Stacy kept hers in the bank until she finished nursing school.
We went to both housewarming parties.
I brought a casserole to each one. And I meant every noodle of it.
At Jeff’s housewarming, Judy came up and squeezed my arm.
“You two will be next,” she said. “You’re so good with money.”
“We’re working on it,” I said.
The second spring, in March, I was eating my sandwich at my desk at the hospital with the county newspaper open to the legal notices.
That’s where a billing clerk’s eye goes, whether she wants it to or not.
The county trustee was auctioning off its surplus property list. Those are the properties where nobody paid the taxes. And nobody redeemed them. Year after year. Until the county ended up holding them.
Most of the list was empty lots and a burned-out filling station.
One line was a house and two point three acres on the county road north of town.
Everybody knew it as the Miller place.
Old Dale Miller had died in that house. His children lived in Arizona and Oregon and had stopped answering the tax bills. The house had been standing empty for six years.
You could see it from the blacktop as you drove by. A tall white farmhouse going gray. With a front porch that sagged in the middle like a tired horse.
I drove Nate out there that evening.
You weren’t allowed to go inside before a county sale. You bought what you could see from the yard. You bought it as it stood.
The weeds came up to my hip. There was an old cistern with a concrete lid. And right beside it, one stubborn clump of something red, just breaking ground.
Nate walked all the way around the house once. Slowly.
He got down on his belly and went under the porch with a flashlight. He stood back by the road and looked at the roofline for a long time with his head tilted. The way he sights down a driveshaft.
“Ridge is straight,” he said. “Foundation’s limestone, and it hasn’t moved. The porch is shot. And I bet the wiring’s older than Dad.”
He rubbed his jaw.
“Good bones, Em.”
“What would it go for?”
“What have we got?”
“Forty-two thousand and some change.”
“Then that’s what it’d go for,” he said. “Or it goes to somebody else.”
The sale was on a Thursday morning in April. Ten o’clock. On the courthouse steps.
They’ve held the county sales on those steps for as long as anybody can remember.
The auctioneer was a man named Dobbs. Sixty or so. Tan windbreaker. A clipboard. And a voice that carried all the way across the square to the bank.
There were maybe twenty people. Most of them were there for the empty lots.
A landlord from over in the next county was standing near the front in a quilted vest with his hands in his pockets. I knew he was a landlord by his boots. They’d never been in a field.
I’d taken a vacation day from the hospital. Nate came straight from a job with grease up to his elbows.
The terms were printed on a sheet. Payment in full on the day of the sale. Certified funds. No warranty of any kind. A county deed, mailed when it was recorded.
I had a cashier’s check in my purse for forty thousand dollars.
And underneath it, a bank envelope with two thousand dollars in cash. Because the rest of what we had was tip money. And I’d never gotten it all turned into anything bigger than twenties.
Dobbs read off the parcel number.
“House and two and three-tenths acres. Known locally as the Miller farm. Who’ll give me twenty thousand?”
The quilted vest lifted one finger.
“Twenty-five,” Nate said.
It went up by thousands. Thirty. Thirty-five.
At thirty-eight, the man in the vest stopped lifting his finger. He started saying the numbers out loud. I took that to mean he was thinking hard about each one.
“Forty,” Nate said.
“Forty-one,” said the vest.
Nate looked at me.
I’d told him forty-two was the bottom of the jar. Past forty-two, there was nothing. Not a furnace filter. Not a gallon of paint.
“Forty-one five,” Nate said.
Dobbs looked at the vest.
The vest looked down at his sheet.
And I watched that man decide that a sagging porch wasn’t worth five hundred dollars more to him.
He shook his head.
“Sold,” Dobbs said. “Forty-one thousand five hundred. Your name, sir?”
“Schafer,” Nate said. “Nathan and Emily. Both names.”
Inside at the county clerk’s counter, I handed over the cashier’s check.
Then I counted out fifteen hundred dollars from the bank envelope. Mostly twenties. With a layer of fives and ones at the bottom that still smelled a little bit like the fryer.
The deputy clerk counted it twice without one single remark. Bless her. And she wrote me a receipt.
“The deed will come in the mail in six or eight weeks,” she said. “But the sheriff’s office had the keys from when they boarded up the back door.”
She slid a manila envelope across the counter.
“Nobody’s going to mind if you start mowing.”
It was a ring of seven old keys. Two of them were skeleton keys. Not one of them was marked.
We drove out there with the windows rolled down.
We stood at the foot of those porch steps holding that ring of keys between us. Nate’s hand was shaking. So was mine.
“Capable,” he said.
“Don’t,” I said.
And then we both started laughing so hard I had to sit down on the bottom porch step.
It held.
We still didn’t tell anybody.
By then it wasn’t a rule so much as a habit. And there was a little pride in it too. I’ll own that.
I wanted to hand them a finished thing. I wanted to say, come to dinner. And give them an address.
It was a long, long way from finished.
The fourth key opened the front door.
Inside, it smelled like mice and wet plaster and somebody’s old pipe tobacco. There was a calendar from a seed company still hanging on the kitchen wall. Turned to a July six years gone.
The wallpaper in the front room was coming down in long sheets all by itself.
The fuse box was in the cellar stairwell. Sixty amps for the whole house.
When Nate unscrewed the first fuse, there was a penny jammed in behind it.
“Well,” he said. “That’s one way.”
Behind the plaster walls, it was all knob-and-tube wiring. Cloth-covered wire run through little porcelain knobs. Eighty or ninety years old. Brittle as a cracker.
Nate did two years in the electrical program at the vocational school before he ever switched over to diesel.
He went down to the county office and pulled a homeowner’s permit. He bought a brand-new two-hundred-amp panel with the first paycheck after the sale.
And then he rewired that entire house at night.
He’d come off his shift at five o’clock. Eat whatever I’d packed in a cooler for him. And work until eleven with a headlamp on. Because of course there was no power in the house at all. Just one temporary pole out in the yard.
Room by room.
He drilled the old wall studs. They were true two-by-fours, oak, hard as iron. He pulled new cable through them and stapled it neat as a seam.
I never once saw him hurry a staple.
I pulled wallpaper.
There were five layers of it in the front room. And under the very last layer, somebody had written a column of numbers on the bare plaster in pencil. Somebody adding up sums a long time ago.
I pulled wallpaper until my thumbs split open. Then I taped them up and went to my shift at the diner. And I came back.
I was still working both jobs. The house had taken every dollar we had.
Wire costs money. So does a new well pump. And a septic man. And a dumpster.
There was one night in May when I sat down on an overturned five-gallon bucket in what was going to be the kitchen. Just to rest my feet for one minute.
I woke up an hour later with my cheek pressed against the plaster wall. And Nate’s work jacket over my shoulders.
He hadn’t woken me up.
He was up on the ladder six feet away, still working. With his headlamp turned down low.
The county inspector came out the first week of June.
He was a quiet man named Larry. He went through the whole house with a flashlight and didn’t say ten words. At the end he signed the inspection card and stuck it in the front window.
“Who’d you say did this?” he asked Nate.
“I did.”
“Hm,” Larry said. “You want a job?”
The power company set the meter that Friday.
Nate threw the main breaker.
And I stood in the kitchen and flipped the switch.
And one bare light bulb came on. Hanging over the spot where a kitchen table ought to go.
That same week, my phone rang at my desk at the hospital.
“Emily. This is Opal.”
Opal is Nate’s grandmother. Ron’s mother.
She was eighty-eight years old. She lived in the senior apartments behind the Methodist church. She did her own laundry. And she read the county paper front to back every single day with a magnifying glass. Legal notices included.
I’d always been a little afraid of Opal. She was a small, upright woman who didn’t chatter.
“Opal? Is everything all right?”
“The paper finally printed the trustee’s sales,” she said. “It says Schafer, Nathan and Emily, bought a house and two and three-tenths acres on the north road.”
There was a pause.
“Is that the Miller place?”
I looked around the billing office like somebody might be listening.
“Yes ma’am. We haven’t told anyone yet. We wanted to get it fit to see first.”
She didn’t say anything for so long I thought the line had dropped.
“Come get me Sunday after church,” she said. “And don’t tell Ronald.”
“Opal, it’s not safe yet. The porch is bad. There’s plaster down everywhere.”
“I have walked on worse,” she said.
And she hung up.
So that Sunday, I pulled up in front of the Methodist church at a quarter past eleven.
Opal came down the walk in her navy blue dress and her good shoes. Her pocketbook hung on her wrist. She let me help her up into the truck.
She didn’t say one word the whole way out.
Six miles. She held that pocketbook in her lap with both hands and looked straight out the windshield.
When I turned in at the lane, she made a small sound.
I thought it was the ruts.
Nate was waiting in the yard. He’d cut the weeds back and laid two planks across the worst part of the porch.
He came over to help her out of the truck. She lifted her hand.
“I can manage steps, Nathan.”
She wouldn’t take my arm either.
She went up those planks slowly, with her hand on the porch post. She went in through the front door.
And here’s the thing I noticed. The thing I couldn’t account for.
She didn’t look around the way a visitor looks around.
She walked straight through the front room. Turned left. Then right. Through a doorway we hadn’t even hung a door on yet.
Like her feet already knew exactly where the kitchen was.
She stopped right in the middle of it. Under that one bare light bulb.
She looked at the window over the spot where the sink used to be.
She looked at the door to the little room off the kitchen. The one we’d been calling the back bedroom.
Then she went to the pantry. And she put her hand flat on the inside of the door frame, where the old varnish had gone nearly black.
And she began to cry.
There wasn’t any noise to it. Her face didn’t even change much. The tears just ran down her face, and she let them.
I’d known that woman eleven years. I’d never once seen her cry. Not even at her own husband’s graveside service, which the family still talks about.
“Opal,” I said. “What is it? Do you need to sit down?”
She was running her thumb down the wood. Feeling for something.
About four feet off the floor, her thumb stopped.
“Emily,” she said. “Did nobody ever tell you whose house this was?”
“The Millers’,” I said. “Dale Miller’s.”
“The Millers bought this house at a sale in the fall of 1961,” Opal said. “They got it for a good deal less than it was worth. They were decent people about it. And I never held it against them.”
She took a breath.
“Before that, it was Henry Brandt’s. My father’s. He built that porch himself. With his own hands.”
She looked at the little room off the kitchen.
“I was born in that room right there. In March of 1937. With a neighbor woman for a midwife. Because the roads were mud up to the axles, and the doctor couldn’t get out.”
Nate had come to the kitchen doorway.
He was standing there with his cap in his hand.
“Bring your light, Nathan,” Opal said. “Hold it here.”
He put his headlamp up to the door frame where her thumb was.
There were pencil marks in the varnish.
A whole ladder of them. Short level lines, one above another. Each one with a date next to it in a man’s square printing.
I’d scrubbed right past them a dozen times. I thought they were scratches.
Nate read them out loud. His voice wasn’t steady.
“Opal, six years, 1943.”
He moved the light up.
“Opal, nine years. Opal, twelve.”
He moved the light down. Near the bottom. There was one more line. Lower than all the others. In a different handwriting. A woman’s.
“Ronnie,” Nate read. “Four years. 1960.”
“I made that one,” Opal said. “The next year, we were gone.”
She told the whole story standing up. She wouldn’t sit down until it was told.
Her father died in 1957. He left the farm to her and her husband, Walt Schafer. Nate’s grandfather. A hundred and sixty acres and this house.
Walt was a hard worker. He wanted to do better than his father-in-law had done. He borrowed against the farm for a new tractor and a hog building.
Then came two bad years. One right behind the other. A sickness went through the hogs. And the bank called the note.
“They sold it right on the courthouse steps,” Opal said. “The same steps you two stood on.”
She looked out the kitchen window.
“Walt stood out there in the yard the week after, while they auctioned off all the machinery. I stood right here in this kitchen so I wouldn’t have to watch. And Ronald was five years old. He stood out there holding his father’s hand the entire time.”
She pointed at the window.
“I could see the two of them. Right through that glass.”
“Dad never said a thing,” Nate said. “Not one time. We drove past this house every single Sunday of my life on the way to Aunt Carol’s.”
“Your father has not turned his head toward this house since he was five years old,” Opal said. “Watch him sometime. He looks at the other side of the road. Walt did the same until the day he died.”
She shook her head slowly.
“They decided it was a shame. And they buried it. And I let them. Because back then, a man’s pride was about all he had left.”
She put her hand on the pencil marks again.
“I am eighty-eight years old,” she said. “I had made my peace that I would never stand in my mother’s kitchen again.”
She looked at Nate. Then at me.
“And you two children went and bought it with your own money. And told no one.”
She looked down at the tape on my thumbs.
“Whose money was it? Not Ronald’s.”
“No ma’am,” I said. “Ours. Two years of it.”
“I heard about the envelopes,” Opal said. “At Easter. I told Ronald at the time exactly what I thought about it. He said you two didn’t need it.”
“We didn’t need it,” Nate said quietly. “That’s not the same as not wanting to be thought of.”
Opal nodded. Once. The way you’d nod at a child who just got a hard math problem right.
Then she let me bring her the bucket. And she sat down on it, in her good navy dress, in the middle of her mother’s kitchen.
And Nate knelt down on that filthy floor and put his arms around her.
I went out onto the porch planks and looked at that red clump by the cistern for a while.
It was rhubarb.
Opal told me later. Her mother planted it there in 1931.
Opal told Ron herself.
I wasn’t there for it. All I know is what Judy told me afterward.
Opal telephoned their house Monday morning and said, “Ronald. You will drive me out to my father’s house on Saturday.”
And Ron sat down in the kitchen chair without pulling it out first. And nearly missed it.
They came at ten o’clock that Saturday.
I watched Ron’s truck slow down at the end of the lane. And stop there on the blacktop.
It sat there for what must have been a full minute before it turned in.
Ron Schafer was sixty-nine years old that year. A big, square man. A union carpenter for thirty-eight years.
He got out of the truck and helped his mother down. And then he just stood there in the yard.
He looked at the cistern. At the corner of the porch. At a place in the grass by the old machine shed where there was nothing at all to look at.
Judy had come too. She stood beside the truck with her hand pressed against her collarbone.
Nate came down off the ladder.
“Dad.”
“You bought it,” Ron said. “You bought this place. And you never said one word to me.”
“We didn’t know what it was. I swear to you. Nobody ever told me.”
“No,” Ron said. “I don’t guess anybody did.”
Opal went inside by herself. Judy followed her. A minute later I heard Judy start crying in the front room.
The three of us stayed out in the yard.
Ron looked over the porch the way a carpenter does. I could see it pain him.
Then he looked at the new meter base on the side of the house. At the conduit, running plumb as a ruler. At the permit card in the front window.
“You do all that?” he asked Nate.
“Nights.”
“And she’s been out at the truck stop.” Ron nodded at me. “Judy saw her out there once. Carrying plates. I told her she had to be mistaken.”
He shook his head.
“Two years of that. You should’ve told us you wanted a house. We would’ve—”
He stopped.
“You’d have what, Dad?” Nate said.
He wasn’t angry. He was only asking.
And then Ron said it badly.
I don’t hold it against him now. He was standing in that yard at five years old again. It was all over his face. And a man in that condition grabs for whatever’s closest.
“I don’t see what there is to be sore about,” Ron said. “We told you the truth. We said you were capable. Well. Look.”
He threw his hand out at the house.
“Look at this. Was I wrong? Kim was about to lose those boys’ roof. Jeff was going under. You two never needed one thing from anybody. And I was proud of it. And I said so. That card was the nicest thing I knew how to say.”
Nate looked down at the ground. His ears were going red.
I hadn’t planned to say anything.
I’d thanked that man for the card two years before. And I’d meant to leave it right there. Forever.
But I’d fallen asleep against a plaster wall the month before. My husband had sold his boat. And there was tape on both of my thumbs.
“Ron,” I said. “It was a nice thing to say. I know you meant it.”
I kept my voice down. I didn’t want Opal hearing a quarrel inside that house. Of all the houses in the world.
“But capable people get tired too,” I said. “You just never hear about it. Because we’re the ones who don’t call.”
He looked at me.
“I’m not asking you for anything,” I said. “I didn’t then. I’m not now. I just want you to know it cost something. It didn’t come easy because we’re us. It came hard. And we did it anyway.”
I looked at him.
“Those are two different things.”
Ron didn’t answer me.
He stood there with his jaw working.
Then he went and got his mother out of the house. He helped her back up into the truck. And they drove away.
He looked straight down the lane the whole way out.
Nate put his arm around me.
“Well,” he said. “That’s said.”
“I shouldn’t have said it.”
“You should’ve said it at Easter two years ago,” Nate said. “I should have.”
He kissed the top of my head. There was sawdust in my hair.
“Come hold the ladder.”
The next Saturday, I drove out at seven a.m. Nate was already there working.
At twenty minutes to seven, he told me, a truck had turned in at the lane.
His father’s.
The truck bed was full. Sawhorses. A table saw under a tarp. Two twenty-ton bottle jacks. A stack of cribbing blocks. The old worm-drive saw Nate had been forbidden to touch as a boy. And a four-foot level in a canvas sleeve.
When I walked up, Ron was lying on his back under the porch. All I could see were his boots.
He slid out.
He had cobwebs in his eyebrows. He stood up slowly, the way a man his size has to.
And he took his cap off.
“Emily,” he said. “I’d like to try that again. If you’ll let me. I’ve had a week to work on it. And I had my mother helping me. And she wasn’t gentle.”
“All right,” I said.
He pointed with his cap. At that place in the grass where there was nothing.
“My dad stood right over there in 1961 and watched them sell his plow,” Ron said. “Not one soul put a hand out to him. Not his brothers. Not the church. Nobody.”
He turned the cap in his hands.
“I was five years old. And I made up my mind standing there. If a child of mine was ever going under, I’d be there with money in my hand before they ever had to ask.”
He looked at me.
“Kim was going under. Jeff was. Stacy had those loans. You two weren’t. So I figured I was done with you.”
He shook his head slowly.
“I had it all worked out that help is for people who are drowning. It never once came into my head that help is for the ones who are swimming hard, too.”
He looked at the porch.
“I gave you two a pat on the head. And I gave them the farm ground. And I called it a compliment. And you thanked me for it.”
His voice got rough.
“I’ve thought about that thank you every night this week.”
“Ron—”
“Let me finish. I’ve only got it memorized the one way.”
It was the closest thing to a joke I ever heard that man make.
“I’m not going to write you a check,” he said. “I could. Judy wanted to bring one this morning. But you’d be right to tear it up. And I’d be buying my way out cheap.”
He looked up at the house.
“You two bought my grandfather’s house with tip money and a bass boat. A check from me now would just be me trying to put my name on it.”
He put his cap back on.
“What I can do is build. That front beam is rotted clean through, and the porch posts are standing on nothing. That porch is going to hurt somebody. And my mother means to sit on it.”
He looked at me straight.
“I’d take it as a kindness if you’d let me work on this house. Saturdays. As long as it takes.”
I couldn’t talk. I just nodded.
“Nate,” Ron called. “Bring me that jack. And don’t you touch my saw.”
“I’m thirty-six years old, Dad.”
“Then you’re old enough to know better.”
He came out eleven Saturdays.
I know because I counted them off on the feed store calendar I’d hung on the kitchen nail. Right where the old seed company calendar used to be.
He gave the first three Saturdays to the porch.
He and Nate jacked up the porch roof an eighth of an inch at a time. They set it on cribbing blocks. They took out every rotted post and the whole front beam.
Ron wouldn’t put treated pine where his grandfather had put fir. He found tongue-and-groove fir flooring at a lumberyard forty miles away. And he paid for it himself.
When I opened my mouth to argue, he said, “That’s lumber. Not a check.” And I closed my mouth.
He turned new porch posts to match the one good old post that was left. He did it at home, on his own lathe, at night. He brought them out wrapped in a moving blanket like they were babies.
The fourth and fifth Saturdays, he did windows. He reglazed the old window sashes one by one on sawhorses out in the yard. He taught me how to run a putty knife so the line comes out clean.
The sixth Saturday, he hung doors.
The seventh, eighth, and ninth, he built kitchen cabinets. Plain ones. Face frame. The same kind that were in that kitchen when his grandmother cooked in it.
He asked Opal what color they’d been.
“Cream,” she said. “With a green line.”
He painted that green line himself. With a quarter-inch brush. Very slowly.
He wouldn’t let anybody sand the pantry door frame.
He masked it off with his own hands. He varnished right up to the edge of the pencil marks. And stopped.
Judy came out every Saturday after that first one.
She brought dinner in a roaster. And she brought her sewing machine. She made curtains for nine windows.
On the fourth Saturday, she found me alone at the pump. And she took both my taped-up hands in hers.
“I picked out that card,” she said. “I stood in the drugstore for a quarter of an hour, finding exactly the right one. I thought you’d keep it.”
Her chin was shaking.
“I never once asked myself what it would feel like to open it at that table. In front of everyone. I’m so sorry, honey.”
“I did keep it,” I told her.
That was the truth. It was in a drawer.
Kim came out on the sixth Saturday with her two boys. They pulled nails all day.
Jeff came on the eighth Saturday with a borrowed trencher. He ran a brand-new water line from the well.
Stacy painted the whole upstairs.
Nobody asked any of them to come. I think Opal had been on the telephone.
Those Saturdays did something to Nate and his father that I could never have done with any amount of talking.
They didn’t say much to each other. They just handed each other things.
Along about the ninth week, I came around the corner of the house with two glasses of iced tea.
And I found Ron showing Nate how to scribe a cabinet to a crooked wall. The two of them had their heads bent close together.
“Your great-grandfather never owned a level,” Ron was saying. “Look at this wall. The man built by eye.”
And he was laughing.
In that yard. With his face turned full toward the house.
On the eleventh Saturday, when all the tools were loaded back in his truck, Ron took the carpenter’s pencil from behind his ear.
He went into the pantry.
He stood my husband up against that door frame. And he made a new line above all the others.
Nate, 36 yrs, he wrote. And the year.
Then he handed the pencil to me.
And I stood Ron up against the door frame and marked him.
We gave notice at our rented duplex. We moved into the house the second week of October.
I gave my notice at the truck stop the same day.
Patty cried. She gave me a key to the pie case as a keepsake. I took it as the highest honor that establishment had to offer.
For Thanksgiving, we set the table in the little room off the kitchen.
It was the only room on the ground floor big enough once all the table leaves were in. And anyway, there was no question about it.
Seventeen people.
Kim’s boys at a card table. Jeff carving the turkey, because Ron said his hands were too tired. Which wasn’t true.
Rhubarb sauce on the table. Out of Judy’s freezer. From the patch beside the cistern, cut that June.
Opal sat at the head of the table. Nate carried her chair in himself.
She was wearing the navy dress.
Ron stood up to say grace.
“Lord,” he said. “We thank you for this house—”
And then he couldn’t go on.
He just stood there. A big man in a clean, pressed shirt. With his hand resting on the back of his mother’s chair.
And his mouth wouldn’t work.
Nobody moved.
Kim’s youngest boy started to ask something. Kim touched his shoulder, and he stopped.
Opal reached up and laid her hand over her son’s hand.
“And for the children who brought us back to it,” she said. In a perfectly steady voice. “And for the ones who are tired, Lord, and do not say so. Teach us to look. Amen.”
“Amen,” Ron said.
Opal looked down that long table. At every single face.
Then she looked over at the kitchen window. The one she’d stood behind in 1961 so she wouldn’t have to watch.
“I was born six feet from this chair,” she said.
Then she unfolded her napkin.
“Somebody pass me those potatoes.”
The bluebird card lives in my kitchen drawer now. With the rubber bands and the birthday candles.
I found a use for it.
In February, once I was sure, I took it out of the drawer.
Under Judy’s handwriting, I wrote one line in pencil.
We are still very capable. But come August, you will have somebody new to worry about.
And I mailed it back to her. In a fresh envelope.
Ron was at our front door within the hour.
He had his level with him.
He said the back bedroom upstairs was going to need shelves.
Before he left, he went into the pantry and stood there looking at the door frame for a long time.
There’s room on that door frame for a good many more marks.
He measured.